Contra Mundum.
I feel like Athanasius. ‘a boat of false hope lost at sea’
The days are growing longer and colder, and the further I get from high school the more I feel like an alien. I went to a wedding yesterday and could only stare past the bad consciences to focus on the decadent waste of the chocolate fountain and the superficial greetings of enslaved servers. 17 year olds calling me Mr. in their black bowties. I want to flip every table and to smash false honors.
I have never had a drop of alcohol – as far back as I can remember my reason has rejected such seductions, sold to the people by vermin pretending to offer a liberal spirit but instead corrupting the soul. I read about Marcus Aurelius and yearn to live amongst people who are honorable and virtuous. Are these people who only lie as dust, or are they the phantoms of some cruel fantasy? I am a bastard of wisdom suffocated by a complete lack of meaningful social interaction. My love is wasted on specters.
Why am I the only one who feels a sense of despondency through revelation of clear and piercing perception? I see through every deception and sear the absurd with the flame of reason. Is there a single woman who relates to this or am I damned to walk with only my weary wits as steady companions? I think a hug would be worth more to me than any other thing. I’m not sure why I posted this, I’m just grasping for anyone who feels besieged, so that we might not feel like the only ones alive, trapped in the cave.