Category: Journal

I know I normally don’t post internet culture/gamer related stuff on this site but I had to preserve the following forum post for posterity:

I played the ‘Rommel in Africa’, scenario. It is great, except that the Italian airforce based at Tripoli, and the German Airbase near Benghazi, handle all what is demanded of them without a hint of sweat. Are the British air bases perpetually under supplied?

I have come to realize, that one can actually win, playing computer games. I have taken Cairo, with my German Forces, playing the easy mode. I had major problems, but one has to try different variations to tactics. For instance, when there are nine divisions, some have to support attack, one has to attack, some perhaps, may have to defend, some may be kept in reserve. I never put many divisions under one commander. A Major General has no problem in commanding two divisions. He does it very well. The few divisions under the command of the General, perform exceptionally. The many Generals work as a team, perhaps, which is extremely important. The air force of Germany, does the impossible. It does the impossible, as if it does nothing. When I first asked the air force to crater the runway at Alexandria, they hovered for a long time, over their own base, then, after they began to do so, I realized that they were better off performing more immediate and important tasks, not exceedingly difficult ones. The air force were sitting ducks for the British air force, for some time, until better sense prevailed. Hearts of Iron is a great game, one of the greatest. I reached Cairo in four hours real time, playing the very slow mode. The interest the game generates is unbelievable. Adolf Hitler gifted me a squadron of aircraft, perhaps bombers, and abruptly took the gift back, before I knew what they were about. I may have taken Cairo, and may have 17 divisions in the proximity of Cairo, but I hope there is nothing amiss behind my back. If I am not supplied, then I will have to take the Suez Canal, but Africa being a continent, one can always find a supply route, provided Tripoli is not taken. The Italian Garrison only has to perform anti partisan duties, at Tripoli. I try to remind Crete of my proximity, by regular bombings, and by maintaining air superiority.

‘Sometimes I speak to men and women just as a little girl speaks to her doll. She knows, of course, that the doll does not understand her, but she creates for herself the joy of communication through a pleasant and conscious self-deception.’

Contra Mundum.

I feel like Athanasius. ‘a boat of false hope lost at sea’

The days are growing longer and colder, and the further I get from high school the more I feel like an alien. I went to a wedding yesterday and could only stare past the bad consciences to focus on the decadent waste of the chocolate fountain and the superficial greetings of enslaved servers. 17 year olds calling me Mr. in their black bowties. I want to flip every table and to smash false honors.

I have never had a drop of alcohol – as far back as I can remember my reason has rejected such seductions, sold to the people by vermin pretending to offer a liberal spirit but instead corrupting the soul. I read about Marcus Aurelius and yearn to live amongst people who are honorable and virtuous. Are these people who only lie as dust, or are they the phantoms of some cruel fantasy? I am a bastard of wisdom suffocated by a complete lack of meaningful social interaction. My love is wasted on specters.

Why am I the only one who feels a sense of despondency through revelation of clear and piercing perception? I see through every deception and sear the absurd with the flame of reason. Is there a single woman who relates to this or am I damned to walk with only my weary wits as steady companions? I think a hug would be worth more to me than any other thing. I’m not sure why I posted this, I’m just grasping for anyone who feels besieged, so that we might not feel like the only ones alive, trapped in the cave.

What happens to be a typo could have really unfortunate consequences for any poor bastard caught in that area when the military rolls in.

The Denial of Death (ISBN 0-684-83240-2) is a psychology/philosophy work written by Ernest Becker and published in 1973. It was awarded the Pulitzer prize for general non-fiction in 1974, two months after the author’s death. The book builds largely on the works of Søren Kierkegaard, Sigmund Freud, and one of Freud’s colleagues, Otto Rank.

The basic premise of The Denial of Death is that human civilization is ultimately an elaborate, symbolic defense mechanism against the knowledge of our mortality, which in turn acts as the emotional and intellectual response to our basic survival mechanism. Becker argues that a basic duality in human life exists between the physical world of objects and a symbolic world of human meaning. Thus, since man has a dualistic nature consisting of a physical self and a symbolic self, man is able to transcend the dilemma of mortality through heroism, a concept involving his symbolic half. By embarking on what Becker refers to as an “immortality project” (or causa sui), in which he creates or becomes part of something which he feels will outlast him, man feels he has “become” heroic and, henceforth, part of something eternal; something that will never die, compared to his physical body that will die one day. This, in turn, gives man the feeling that his life has meaning; a purpose; significance in the grand scheme of things.

From this premise, mental illness is most insightfully extrapolated as a bogging down in one’s hero system(s). When someone is experiencing depression, their causa sui (or heroism project) is failing, and they are being consistently reminded of their mortality and insignificance as a result. Schizophrenia is a step further than depression in which one’s causa sui is falling apart, making it impossible to engender sufficient defense mechanisms against their mortality; henceforth, the schizophrenic has to create their own reality or “world” in which they are better heroes. Becker argues that the conflict between immortality projects which contradict each other (particularly in religion) is the wellspring for the destruction and misery in our world caused by wars, bigotry, genocide, racism, nationalism, and so forth, since an immortality project which contradicts others indirectly suggests that the others are wrong.

Another theme running throughout the book is that humanity’s traditional “hero-systems” i.e. religion, are no longer convincing in the age of reason; science is attempting to solve the problem of man, something that Becker feels it can never do. The book states that we need new convincing “illusions” that enable us to feel heroic in the grand scheme of things, i.e. immortal. Becker, however, does not provide any definitive answer, mainly because he believes that there is no perfect solution. Instead, he hopes that gradual realization of man’s innate motivations, namely death, can help to bring about a better world.

Never call yourself a philosopher, nor talk a great deal among the unlearned about theorems, but act conformably to them. Thus, at an entertainment, don’t talk how persons ought to eat, but eat as you ought. For remember that in this manner Socrates also universally avoided all ostentation. And when persons came to him and desired to be recommended by him to philosophers, he took and recommended them, so well did he bear being overlooked. So that if ever any talk should happen among the unlearned concerning philosophic theorems, be you, for the most part, silent. For there is great danger in immediately throwing out what you have not digested. And, if anyone tells you that you know nothing, and you are not nettled at it, then you may be sure that you have begun your business. For sheep don’t throw up the grass to show the shepherds how much they have eaten; but, inwardly digesting their food, they outwardly produce wool and milk. Thus, therefore, do you likewise not show theorems to the unlearned, but the actions produced by them after they have been digested.

A war is never undertaken by the ideal State, except in defense of its honor or its safety.

The man who backbites an absent friend, nay, who does not stand up for him when another blames him, the man who angles for bursts of laughter and for the repute of a wit, who can invent what he never saw, who cannot keep a secret — that man is black at heart: mark and avoid him.

The name of peace is sweet, and the thing itself is beneficial, but there is a great difference between peace and servitude. Peace is freedom in tranquillity, servitude is the worst of all evils, to be resisted not only by war, but even by death.

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. [LOL!]

Live as brave men; and if fortune is adverse, front its blows with brave hearts.

On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammeled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains.

The Six Mistakes of Man

1. The illusion that personal gain is made up of crushing others.
2. The tendency to worry about things that cannot be changed or corrected.
3. Insisting that a thing is impossible because we cannot accomplish it.
4. Refusing to set aside trivial preferences.
5. Neglecting development and refinement of the mind, and not acquiring the habit of reading and study.
6. Attempting to compel others to believe and live as we do.

and this is what shall come to pass.
a new precept for the world to adopt.
and this is what the children shall learn…

prepare for the lowest standard.
rough diamonds in the palms of fools
unable to give the crucial gift of reason.

the unwise teaching wisdom.
the absurd defining priority.
fools, unable to give the crucial gift of reason.

what more can be expected of a child,
being a product of the stark worst –
its fathers blood.

censure rightly;
make no mistake.
the ascendants,
they are veritably criminal.

fare thee well
down the random path of chance.

godspeed.

set sail,
against the wind,
under the misguiding light of faulty beacons.

set sail,
against the wind,
with vices for virtues,
dishonor for ethics,
and excess for etiquette,
as examples –

such sorry examples.

and what of the children…

ignorant of it’s weight.
blind to it’s worth.

something is terribly amiss
when the beauty and the miracle of new life
is nothing but a burden.

this burden is a life
this burden is a child.

men without dedication
speaking of truth and loyalty.
women without conviction
teaching respect and compassion.

no.

and what of the children…